This is a song that I'm writing about bluesman Lonnie Johnson. He was great in ballad style, especially on "Tomorrow Night." So I decided a tribute was needed. Let me know your thoughts.
Play me a song, Lonnie. Make my day turn blue. My weary bones, they ache and moan, for something pure and true.
I'll pluck these strings, with your touch, so they can finally ring...and I'll fly with a bluebird, on the Cincinnati wind.
Play me a song, Lonnie. While the moon is bathing me. I walk around, this same old town, the South won't set me free.
I'll drink a bowl, warm with your soul, so this voice can finally sing...and I'll fly with a bluebird, on the Cincinnati wind.
Play me a song, Lonnie. So you can tell me why. The ghosts who keep on callin' me, they never seem to die.
In your vain, I might explain, why love is a funny thing...and I'll fly with a bluebird, on the Cincinnati wind.
Play me a song, Lonnie. Make my day turn blue. My weary bones, they ache and moan, for something pure and true.
I'll pluck these strings, with your touch, so they can finally ring...and I'll fly with a bluebird, on the Cincinatti wind.
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3 comments:
I like them. There's some good imagery in there. I think you could move away from rhyming couplets and it would be fine, too, i.e. if you wanted to get a little more poetic don't let rhyming hold you back. Then again, I haven't heard the music yet but I think it would work.
The second lines of each verse (My weary bones, etc.) are sort of lilt-y when read aloud. It's the iambs you're using there, I think, and as far as reading it out loud goes it makes it sort of playful, which I don't think is what you're going for. But then again, I haven't heard the music like I said, so you may be singing them in a totally different rhythm.
Overall good, though. I'd like to hear the accompanying music soon.
yes. the music would be good to hear. hard to judge lyrics without the song. Viewing poetry and songs are different. But lyrical-wise and poetry-wise, they are good. Every first line (play me a song, lonnie) reminds me a few other songs though. I might change that but I don't know. Not really sure what you're going for. Overall, lets hear the music! This way it can be judged as a song.
it's boring, repetitive, and makes me think of depressing thoughts. What is it, played in e-minor scale
it sucks, no offense. take some acid and rework the lyrics to something a little more uplifting
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